Tragicomic fictional character up for grabs
Bear with us until we find out who our character is with the help of Facebook Quizzes* (read as if flirting):
Rose, your name should be Rose, you are a gentle person.
How old do you look? You look as if you’re sixteen, truly a breath of fresh air.
Rose, you’re my Pixar character, my savvy little rodent. You love the finest things in life and you’re so generous – your best trait of character.
My corny pick-up line? If I received a nickel for each time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents!
Sneaky Rose asked what type of Starbucks drink I thought she was.
Sweets, you’re my Grande Mocha Frappuccino!
And so we went out for coffee and we chatted long enough for us to give Rose a flat start.
She wakes up every day at 11:43 sharp, no alarm needed. The first thing she does is brush her teeth, but she sometimes mistakes the cups and brushes her teeth with coffee. She’s one of us. Rose is passionate about tennis in a very unusual way. She’s never been to a tennis championship and she hardly ever watches tennis on TV. And yet, she loves tennis in her own mathematical way, checking the online statistics for ace leaders, serve speed and serve percentage leaders. Every afternoon when she waters the flowers, gentle Rose smiles meekly at her mother. After all, which U.S. state do you think she should belong to? South Dakota, Facebook says, as she has an extremely close-knit group of friends and family that she’s crazy about. Mind you, should you cast Rose in a horror movie, she’d have to die in the middle of the film as she’s too good a friend and not much of a survivor. All positive things aside, we should add that Rose is more like a porcus marinus – a terrifying creature, with an uncertain identity in medieval texts. In case you didn’t figure her out, she’s a misfit of the harmless and useless sort. The unfortunate irregular type. A clumsy drunk too. Fearless as she may be, Rose’s life has been a tad bit boring and we’d suggest that the next author turns the course of her Facebook fate and doesn’t let her live for 102 years and instead sacrifices her. Take her away from Facebook and turn Rose into a grown-up – a round character. And the story begins…
The morning was violent blue. I opened my eyes before five o’clock and asked myself, “Does she really know what she’s doing?” The pain in my chest felt like lowering my heart into a well as you lower a bucket, your hands clenched to a rusty chain.
* To help the reader: all italics are names of Facebook quizzes, except for the last paragraph. Should you take Rose by the hand and sacrifice her in your text as it is our wish, send us a Facebook greeting or write on our walls. We care about gentle Rose.